Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Battle Zone

It's almost been a year, a whole year, since we left for Uganda. In fact next week it will be one year since we dropped off the children and drove to Houston, to board the plane, that would take us to a place that would change our lives forever. One of the things that is most surreal about this, is watching my friend Laura, travel this same road. If all goes as it seems, her and her hubby will leave on the same day, one year later. It seems like half of the people I know in blog land are in Uganda or leaving for Uganda in the next week. I am only slightly jealous, and a heaping amount of thrilled for my friends. I know they face many hurdles to overcome, as I believe firmly that adoption is WAR. The enemy hates adoption and will fight them, tear at them, attempt to distract them, and do all he can to bring them down.

He won't win.

I know he tried desperately to destroy me and our children while in Africa, and has done many things since our coming home to continue the battle. Time and time again I am reminded that this is war, and we are not fighting against flesh and blood. We are fighting an unseen enemy that will use illness, governments, society, culture, family, friends, and even our church body in the fight against us in this war. I have often times in the last year been weary. I have watched as others who see adoption as part of the great commission be hammered over and over again with trials. All of them stopping to question, if it's all worth it.

He hasn't won.

I see these families fighting for children. Giving their time and resources for these children. Facing uncertainty and heartbreak for these children. All in an attempt to obey and bring glory to their Heavenly Father.

No the enemy will not prevail. Our Lord will always remain victorious. We need only find our strength in Him. He will make a way. He will provide. He will conquer and be glorified.

I love going back and reading my emails home from Uganda. They begin with me whining, and complaining. Begging for God to move and bring us home quickly. I wasn't prepared for the spiritual battle that would be thrown my way. I was prepared for many things, but NO ONE ever told me I would be in for the biggest spiritual battle of my life. Once I figured that out and found my footing in the Lord, my email changed to this...

"Hello to all, this will be my final email from Uganda.

We did in fact receive the visas and will be boarding a plane tomorrow morning. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

I seem to have responded to the third (fourth in you count Malerone) malaria meds. I also think that the lovely amoeba that had taken up residence in my digestive system has received it's eviction notice and is leaving town. Here is a small bit of advice, take it or leave it. Do not get malaria. If you feel you must experience it, do not get a resistant strain. Never, never, never, never, never ever contract amoebic dysentery at the same time. Lastly, if you must do these things DON"T DO IT IT A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY, where cleanliness is unheard of. Unless like me, you wish to also develop a lovely case of phlebitis (sp?) to go along with it. This my dear loved ones is the best advice I could give you, second only to repent and believe the gospel :)

Really I am feeling so much better and have seen God's grace even during my suffering. In little things like probiotics and a nurse showing up at Patrick's at just the right time. Many more instances of His goodness to me. What a faithful and loving God we serve. Many times during this trip I have been reminded of His grace and it is more real to me now than ever.

Every time I would think I simply could not endure, He led me on still.

When I thought "I can't believe I have left my home to come here." He would remind me that he left Heaven to come for me.

When I would think "I miss my children so much, I will never make it another day" He would remind me that He left perfect fellowship with the Father for me.

When I would think of the sin around me and how disturbing it is, He would remind me of what it must have been like for Him: Holy and unstained, to come and not only dwell with sinful man, but to ultimately take that sin upon Himself, so that I might have His righteousness.

When I was is terrible pain, and more ill than I have ever been in my life. He lovingly brought me the cross, where He suffered immeasurably more that I will ever have to.

When William's heart hardens and he pulls away from me, and I wonder how I am ever going to be able to love him like I should. He reminds me that I harden my heart to Him, and yet He draws me in with His irresistible Grace. He brings me to repentance and restores me. He will give me the grace to do the same.

We serve an amazingly awesome God. Do you realize that if we had left when planned, I would have gotten malaria at home. It would have cost tens of thousands dollars to be in the hospital as they tried to deal a sickness they have no experience with. He is so very faithful, even when we are not. So Lord willing, we will be stepping off a plane in Houston with two precious children, ready to start their new life.

April and Denny, in case you have troubling recognizing me: I will be the woman with two children who look nothing like her. With a bewildered look in my eyes, that seems to be asking "Is it over yet?"

Please continue to pray for health and safety for us all. I love you all dearly. Your prayers have been precious jewels to us. We pray that or Lord has been glorified in our lives during this time, and we have made is love manifest.Take care and see you soon."


ld said...

man. we're next.

berrytribe said...

I think what you have written here is absolutely true-adoption is a battlefield. The real surprise to me is the opposition from some of those that are closest to us. But, knowing that God has a big plan for these children keeps me holding on and knowing that I have done exactly what I was to do "All in an attempt to obey and bring glory to their Heavenly Father." And the "good days" sure help a lot too! :)

Gaunt Family said...

I alread told you this in an e-mail, but I totally agree that adoption is War. This is our 2nd adoption, and both times we have been brought to our knees. There are attacks going on when people attempt to love and live biblically. Being here right now, I so identify with what you posted from Uganda, except the malaria part, but if Maleah could speak English she would probably tell us how bad she felt too.
I'll be home soon. God is going first, so we know it's all covered.